Crunk Musllimah

Goodbye To You...

2005-05-09T21:33:00.000-04:00

"goodbye to everything that I knew"

As Salaam Alaikum,

I love you all but I think that this is the end to somewhat of a "chapter" in my life (lol). I am no longer in the mood of blogging and I have other things going on right now.

I'm not sure if it's the name... DemaChanRas... or is it actually blogging, but either way I'm done with it. It's like "DemaChanRas" has been something that I don't like anymore and something that just represents something "icky". I'm done with the blogging word (blogistan?) at least doing it as DemaChanRas.

Don't know when I'll be coming back... and you wont know when I'll be back either because "DemaChanRas" wont be used when I do decide to. Maybe around August I'll be blogging again... but don't know.

Luv u lots. Some of you know my email I think.

salaam

Do You Even Know My Views?

2005-04-18T19:13:00.001-04:00

As Salaam Alaikum, Oh I have a headache. I took a tylenol but it's not working. I guess I should of taken two. I must of worn my hijab way to tight while it was tied up in a bun. I guess it's too much pressure for my head.

I got an application for a place yesterday. Hopefully I will get a job. Wouldn't that be nice? Yes it would be nice.---

"Goodbye" AOL just said! Shoot! Why do I keep getting kicked off? i don't have no call waiting crap so i shouildn't be getting kickd off. At least I got kicked off this time and knew it.. so i wont "publish" the post and it messes all up again---

Yes it would be nice. I hope I get the job (duh). I think that I may have a good chance but I may not also, I've never worked at a restaurant. Well while I've been unemployed (lol) I've been shopping at JC Penney's. They have a really good sell going on right now. I've bought about 12 shirts from them for the past 2 weeks. They are really nice and all "springy".

You know what gets on my nerves? Poeple implying things and they don't even know anything.

Saturday I decided to go to a soccer game at school. So I went there and I was sitting by a friend. Well anyway, I was enjoying my time and this girl, a Muslim girl, came and sat with us (she had already been sitting there anyway).

She started complaining about her hair (non-hijabi) and that she didn't want to mess it up when she pulled her sweater over her head. And I was like, "I'll tell you if it's messes up" blah blah.
And then all of sudden she was like "Do your parents make you wear that?".

I was struck by her question becuase she had asked me that the first day I saw her at school the beginning of the year. i was even shocked when she said that becuase she met me before at the mall and I had it on then.

And I was just like "No." to get her off my back... I didn't want to explain the situation with her. ANd then she was like "That's a lie. You told me your dad did last time I asked you." I replied saying "ya, but that was years ago. And right now he and I aren't cool, so his opinion doesn't even matter. My mother doesn't care about me not wearing it. But i wear it now anyway becuase of my own choice." And she was just like "ya huh, ok".

And then I saw some little kids playing during half time, playing soccer. And I was like "Aww I want to be a soccer mom". and then she goes "Ya, but are you going to let your daughter wear shorts?" and I was like "I don't care" to get her off my back. And then she went on about "choice". And that people should be allowed to make "choices". And she went on about her dad is very strict, while her mother is not... blah blah.

And throughout it I was thinking "Excuse me, but do you even know my politics and opinions?"

I guess she must of assumed that becuase I'm some hijabi I must be this up-tight conservative who knows nothing about "choice". I mean this was no incident with someone who is just "curious" about religion. It seemed like she was completly shocked and that she absoloutly dreaded the fact that I wear hijab (remember this is the 2nd incident). And again, she went all about this "choice" thingy and that if she was skinnier she'll show more skin. Blah blah.

And again I'm just thinking "What the heck does she know about how I feel about politics, religion, and opinions? What does she know about my interepertations of things in Islam?"

I guess she must feel intimidated about me wearing hijab and she not. I've never mentioned her not wearing hijab, never implied anything about her not wearing it. So i don't see why she must insist on bringing it up whenever I may have some type of contact with her (we've only tlaked like 3 or 4 times). Therefore she starts "explaining herself" and her views, when she's not even asked.. and no one is talking about it.

oh ya before i leave check out this site www.expressmuslim.com check out the blog and read "about" and maybe submit something if you can.

salaam
(there are two comment links for some reason. one below to the right, and one above this blog)

Do You Even Know My Views?

2005-04-18T19:13:00.000-04:00

ExpressMuslim.com!

2005-04-15T07:22:00.000-04:00

As Salaam Alaikum,

www.expressmuslim.com www.expressmuslim.com! www.expressmuslim.com

Hello,

I would like to invite you to participate on a site
called ExpressMuslim.com This site is dedicated to profiling forms of
expressions used by Muslims worldwide. That is through art, poetry, stories, and
even political articles.

ExpressMuslim.com would like to feature
your work when it officially launches in June ’05 and hopes that you will not
only become a frequent visitor to the site, but also a frequent
contributor.

The site welcomes all Muslims from different sects,
political movements, and backgrounds.

What topics would we like to
feature? Well anything that sounds good and has good taste. So if you’d like to
talk about your personal struggle, feel free too. If you’d like to talk about
love and lust, feel free too. If you’d like to talk about being a Shi’ia in a
Sunni dominated Muslim world, feel free too. Talk about anything! Just do it
with good taste.

We don’t pay for the work submitted, but all
authors get full credit for their work. And since we don’t pay, there are no
“strings attached”; meaning don’t hesitate to post your work on another site or
even publish it in a book. We don’t and will never consider ourselves as
“owning” the individual work that is submitted.

So would you like
to give it a try? Awesome! We accept everything from very, short poetry to
stories that are as long as 3,500 words. At least manage to keep it around that
size.
As for art? It may have to be resized to fit in the area that it will
be featured in, but it’s ok. Send that too.

PLEASE tell your family
and friends about the site and if you know anyone who is pretty good at
expressing themselves PLEASE encourage them to submit their work also.

Send each individual piece once, but you can submit as many
articles as you like! Also along with your work please type a brief sentence or
2 about yourself (mother? Dad? College student? Etc). We need your email of
course, but posting it on the site is OPTIONAL, so tell us if you mind or
not.

Submit all work at submit@expressmuslim.com
If
you have any questions please email me at dwest@expressmuslim.com

Thank you so much for your consideration and if you can could you
please tell reply back to this email so we can be aware of how many potential
participants there may be?

So I'm Taking the Risk

2005-04-01T23:13:00.000-05:00

As Salaam Alaikum,

Haven't blogged in a hott minute, huh? Well I'm tired and becuase of things going on I haven't really felt in the mood. Sorry about that.

Well anyway, tonight I am taking the risk of going to bed. Why is that a risk? Well it's because I would like to stay awake and witness history. That is, when the Vatican announces the death of the Pope... but I don't see it happening right now... just hearing stuff like "the ending is here". stuff like that. Crap!

Am I the only one who is truly interested in the death? Am I the only one who would like to witness history? IDK.

well what else?

OH! I got a Paint Shop Pro 9! Took 139.99 of my money but it's ok, becuase it was really my dad's. lol. So anyway you know what that means? That means motivation for launching a new site! Woohoo. We'll see.

Well I'm on Spring Break also! Woohoo!!! I have nothing to do next week, so I guess I'll spend my time hanging out at the mall. Also I am turning in an application tomorrow. Sweet, huh?

well g2g.

salaam

Adventures at China Garden

2005-03-21T21:04:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Well right now I am trying to spend as much of my dad’s money as I can while he is sucking up (see last blog entry to know why), so tonight I decided that I wanted some Chinese food. I was in a big mood for some shrimp fried rice, so I asked my mom to drive me up to China Garden.

When we pulled up, on there glass window it said “Buy One Egg Roll, Second Get Free”. lol. That was hilarious. I kind of got mad at myself because I didn’t have my camera with me, I need to start carrying a camera so just in case I see something I can take a picture of it.

Well I went in the restaurant and grabbed a menu (one of those carry out ones) just in case I was to see if there was anything else to eat. Well as I looked I noticed that on the vegeterian part they had "Mogolian beef" and all of this other stuff.... every option had chicken in it. lol.

i'll post a pic of it later.. it's not working.

Lol. That made me happy.

My mom called a lawyer today, but I will get into that later.

salaam

My Parents Are Divorcing

2005-03-19T20:04:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Aliakum,

The past 24 hours have been shocking.

My mother set me down yesterday and said, “We have to move, but quite this minute.” I immediately started to bawl up, not cry, but just put my chin in my hand… I just got had a pissy reaction. See I thought that we were getting kicked out of the house, like bills weren’t getting paid. I was wrong.

The truth is my father married another woman and she is pregnant. No joke. No lie.

That is why my mother said that we will be moving but exactly this moment.

What freaking irony. My last post was about how my father disrespects my mother, and look! Now this has happened.

Yes a man has the right to marry up to 4 women in Islam, but let’s look:

My father has always known that my mother couldn’t handle a polygamist marriage. He set her up for this. He let her quit her job so she can be a house wife, therefore she would be independent on him. He had her believe that he wouldn’t do that. He also had her believe that he wasn’t already married (when my mother called the woman yesterday she said that they had been married for 3 years, my parents have been remarried for a year). When my mother confronted him about how long he had been married to this woman, he said just 3 months, he supposedly told the girl to lie. So if what he says is true, darn! She sure did get pregnant quick (my mother and I really think that he may had committed adultery and so they got married).

He has also told my mother that he had married her because she had gotten pregnant by her Ex-husband, so in order for her to look respectable to the community he decided to marry her and act like the baby was his…. Ok…. That’s suspicious. Why? Well the baby she is pregnant with is his baby (that’s what they say), so if they had first gotten married so she could look respectable in the community (because she had gotten married by her Ex) then how could she had been pregnant, had the baby, and got pregnant all in a matter of 3 months? (as I type this, I am disproving myself that it may had been adultery as the reason for their marriage). So indeed they have been married for a long time, and I guess 3 years as she says.

But even if they did get married so she can look respectable (which I do doubt), what I don’t understand is why would a man marry a woman who is already pregnant? Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to insult fornicators. But I don’t understand is how someone could get up the nerve and say “Can you marry me, I am pregnant and I need to cover it up”. I’m sure people can do it… but still if this woman was concerned about her image, how did she get the nerve to approach a man, particularly my father who is a lonesome person, and ask if they would marry her? That doesn’t really sound right to me. That just sounds fishy.
And plus, wouldn’t the community know that her husband had left her if she was married? I’m guessing she fornicated if this excuse is really true.

But ok… if my dad married her for that reason. Why is he still with her now? Hmm.

I called this girl, Jameela, and she was like “You need to talk to your father” all of that phony stuff. And then I called her again at 9 (that’s when she gets off of work) and she said “I don’t talk to little children” and she hung up. So I decided to leave her like 20 messages on her phone, saying that lying is a sin. And that I am going to call the mosque on 14th street (in Atlanta) and tell her all her business. I told her I was going to write a letter about her and my father’s deceit. She teaches at their school. My aunt will go up there Monday and to look at her and just say “I am so and so sister”.

My father didn’t tell my mother, my mother’s friend told my mother. So that means there were rumors around town.

My mother tells me that I shouldn’t be mad at her (Jameela) because it’s not her fault and she had thought that they were going to divorce. But didn’t she know that my mother didn’t know? Yes. So she herself was purposely deceiving my mother too along with this deadbeat.

Oh and look?! I just remembered that a girl at my school goes to 14th street mosque! Looks like someone is going to hand a letter or something and requested to give to the Imam there.

I’m not “mad” in the sense that they are divorcing. I am happy that they are because now my mother can be happy. I am just really worried about my mother. My mom is calling a lawyer on Monday.

Salaam

Love and Respect

2005-03-16T16:33:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Yes I am not dead. I have been just too busy and tired to blog lately, that is why I have not blogged in so long.

Well how is school? Well it is going pretty good. I am have a freaking 81 in Algebra 2 Honors! That right there is not good. Not good at all. I need to pull it up to a 90. A B is not good enough.

Well since I am blogging I must have something interesting to say. Well I had an interview this week for a job at a Sbarros. Yum, yum. Hopefully everything went well I just did not have anything on the back for my work experience so the manager asked me why is that, and I said it is because I have just turned 16 so I have never had a job, and I have never had any type of real job either.

My dad right now has me really upset. I do not understand why my mother is with him. I really do not. I have no respect for him, I have lost it. All that he does is curse her, threaten her, etc. It is sickening and the most terrible feelings.

It is just like he is never going to change. He is never going to understand anything. He thinks he can talk to my mother anyway that he likes, anywhere.

And the most messed up thing about this all is that how does he expect for me to allow some man to go to him and ask for my hand? Could you imagine? I highly doubt that I will marry any man that he happens to recommend. Heck no.

How does my mother expect for me to stay here when I go to college? I see that when I end high school I will have a chance to make a critical choice. Either stay home or leave it. I can seriously imagine myself enrolling in an out-of-state college. Not tell my parents. Have them thinking that I am going somewhere like GSU or Emory. Then I pack my bags late at night, take everything that I need, want, etc. And catch a plane the hell out of here.

And of course I will leave a letter to my parents-each. My mom will be sensible enough to understand the situation, my dad being the egotistical man he is, will just curse and threaten me, curse me, and then blame my mother.

After a while, you really do stop loving people. And I am almost to that point. I only love my dad because he is my dad. That is it.

I love my mother to death, no doubt about that. I only picture her in my life when I am older, not my father. But right now, I am so mad at her. So mad that she has fallen for this guy again. She talks about how they do have nice times together, but I never see it. He just humiliates her. This is nothing but an emotional abusive marriage. As days go by and she does not do anything when he humiliates her, talks crap about her, calls her a jin, I just loose more respect for her. I love her, my love has not decreased for her at all. But my respect has.

It is so hard to have respect and be so un-bias towards her when she chooses to be in this situation.

As confusing as it sounds. I love my mother because of many other reasons, besides her being my mother. But I only have respect for her because she is my mother.

Ask Me: salaam, are u on islamica?

Dema: Yes, but I have not been on there in a good minute.

salaam

And it is not to be published/Egyptian Coptic-Christian Slaying Arrest Made

2005-03-06T22:02:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Aww MWU didn't want the article. I was rejected. LOL. No the email sent to me did not say “Rejected” lol lol. It was actually very nice. It said:

Thanks so much for writing this and sending it in.

(OMG they read it!)

Unfortuantely, we're already planning on running a piece on this story, which should be online tomorrow insha'allah.

(you punks!!! you know good and well that it was not even being though of until I sent you all my article)

Please do think of writing more, and again thank you for trusting uswith your work. We need more Muslim writers and journalists--so keepon writing!

(I wonder if that means be a writer... but not for us lol).

LOL. Darn rejection sucks. I bet the article that they are working on is probably much better than mines anyway... so I wont be so mad. If I'm rejected like this, being a writer, darn I don't want to be a writer. It really sucks you all! Shoot.

Well here's my article. It's okaysih I think. I mean I think it's pretty good but it may be a bit too long to the point, or maybe to short. I don't know. Awww life is so cruel. But I still like MWU!

Arrest Made in the Case of the Egyptian Coptic-Christian Family Slayings- But Damage Done.

Arrest Made in the Case of the Egyptian Coptic-Christian Family Slayings- But Damage Done.

If you are an avid reader and listener of the news, you may have heard of the case about the Egyptian Coptic-Christian family that was brutally murdered in their New Jersey home. Like many Egyptian Coptic-Christians that have come to America, they came to America so they could practice their religion without persecution and intimidation, which they unfortunately had in their homeland, Egypt.
It was reported on national news stations across America that Islamic Extremism may be connected to the case. The only evidence for this was the fact that the father of the family had been a devout Christian who posted things on Islamic forums and that a Muslim on one of the forums had threatened to hunt him down and kill him like a chicken.

Fortunately, FOX News has reported that an arrest has been made in the case. The two suspects are Edward McDonald, 25, and Hamilton Sanchez, 30. Both had been tenants of the 2nd floor of the home, rented out to them by the family. Cops say that they believe robbery may have been a factor (thousands of dollars were withdrawn from the father’s account a few days after the slayings) but are not being too specific on the motive. Both have pleaded not guilty and bail has been set at 10 million dollars. So far there has been NO evidence from the arrest made that connects Islam to the slayings.

Many of you, who are aware of this case, probably remember watching the news the day of the funeral. You probably remember the images of the men who were carrying signs with crosses on them- purely to make a point to the Muslim(s) who may have done this. You probably remember the angry man yelling, “A Muslim did it! A Muslim did it!” as he was being carried away by the cops. You probably remember seeing old women, young women, children, and grown men crying.

You may also remember the reports of how anti-Islamic sayings were being chanted and how a swarm of people were yelling and pushing as cops tried to protect a Muslim Sheik who had come to the funeral to express his condolences to the family of the victims
I do and those images of frustration, confusion, speculation, and assumption have stayed in my mind ever since. Though I live in Georgia (the state in the U.S.) and am far away from where the brutal crime took place, I have felt a brief fear of going out in public, afraid of being harassed or even attacked.

Though I have prayed for an arrest in this case (and I HAVE prayed), it is bitter sweet to read that there has been an arrest. While this arrest may symbolize justice for the family (and it does to me also), it also symbolizes a case of pure prejudice. It was the Muslims who were accused of being the villain(s), and the history of Coptic-Christians in Egypt only fueled it. It was the Muslims who had to explain their position. It was the Muslims who had to release statements saying that this is against Islam. It was the Muslims, especially of New Jersey, who had to fear a retaliation of what had happened. And it will be the Muslim who will still have to explain because of this case. And look, it is not a Muslim who has been arrested.

The damage has been done. More stereotypes and reasons for suspicion have been made.

Source: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,149434,00.html

(awwww life sux! if you decide to foward my piece please give credit to HazelMuslimah from http://www.crunkmuslimah.blogspot.com/)

i guess it as okay? wasn't it? i don't think it was superior, but at least somewhat good to read.
salaam

To Be Published? Or Not To Be Published?

2005-03-04T19:57:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

I wrote an article that I hope will be published on M.W.U., but I have only emailed it to them today, like less than an hour ago, so no word yet (duh). It is about the case of the Christian Coptic Egyptian slayings in New Jersey and how there has been arrest in the case, the suspects are not Muslim. They are being held at 10 million dollars bail. I basically talked about how the images of there funeral and the reports about Islamic Extremism may be linked to it are vividly in my head, and how despite the arrest, the damage has been done to the Muslim community.

My mom read it and she said that it was pretty good. But who knows? They may think that it is garbage, lol. I have confidence in my work, but yet I do not. It is so complicated some times.

See I am hoping/confident that they will maybe at least strongly consider it because it is kind of breaking news. I see only FOX reporting on it, and that is a small commentary. I bet that if it were Muslims that were arrested, it would definitely be headline news. But anyway, so I typed the article as fast as I could and stuff, made it sound nice and sensible… and so maybe nobody else saw it, and I may be the only one who sent in something about it. So maybe they would think that it was good enough to be up on the site.

But I am doubting that it will go up because...

1. I am not sure how they do the submissions. Like I think that the people who write for them are regular people who write for them, and submissions may just be a special thing. But again, I am not sure.

2. I have never written an article that was to be seriously published on something big. So for all that I know my article could be garbage. Lol

But I still think that it is well form. If I do not get a reply from them in 4 to 5 days, I will post the article up on here.

Well I am still not sure what I will do this weekend. I hope to go the mall, walk around, go to Borders, maybe go the movies. I need a date! Lol

Well that is all for today.

Salaam

So This Is What It Is Like at 16

2005-03-01T19:22:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

I am 16 years old, a sophomore in high school, I have no boyfriend, no lover, not even someone who I consider my best friend. I am making good grades but yet I am not even seriously looking at any colleges, just skimming here and there. I have no job and for some reason I am searching for one, just to get away from having to be with someone.

Do not be fooled, I have indeed found out who I am but for some reason I feel that I need to act like someone else, someone that is not really me. I laugh a lot, joke a lot, but only to sound funny and to make people smile. But yet I feel that I am starting to come off as some clown because after a while I feel that people are just annoyed by me, and I am getting annoyed by them also.

I think I need to meet new friends to get away from my old ones, because I feel that many of my curent friends are people who I am questioning about being my friends.

No, they have not backstabbed me or said a lot of things about me (at least that is whatI believe). But I am getting that vibe. You know that vibe that comes about when you are around someon and you just feel that they are no longer interested in you. You know that vibe where you think that they just do not want to say that they do not really like you anymore in your face. Well that is the way that I am feeling about some friends.

Maybe it is because, and I hate to say this in a cocky way, but maybe it is because I am a bit too nice. I am a bit too easy going on letting people wise crack on me and maybe it is because I smile too much and try to be funny, try to just be nice. Try to include everybody, even the people who I do not like.

What has even made me more aware of this situation is because of a rude dude. I mean we were cool and stuff until he found out that I was Muslim (at least it seems). And I do not understand how he never knew because I do wear hijab. But since he did found out it seems as if his attitude has changed. I just do not remember him being so smart and attitudish to me before he knew I was Muslim. I mean sometimes he jokes but he is really acting like a sun of a gun with me and I do not appreciate it. One day I think I will tell him off.

And then I get this same sarcastic attitude from another girl who has been on my nerves for quite a while.

It is just weird. I have felt quite weird since I turned 16 (Jan. 25). I am getting closer to becoming a adult and it is really hitting me hard. It is as if I want to be an adult but at the same time I do not. I need to go about an re-evaluate some things.

After concluding all of this, I think the issue is just that I am trying too hard on trying to make people like me. I am trying too hard on trying to be everybody's friend and trying to make people at least think positive of me. I am trying to reach something that I can not possibily reach.

(by typing this in Microsoft Word and signing off the net I saved 42 minutes on my phone bill!!)
salaam

Blogging and Bored

2005-02-27T20:27:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

[edit] I had some technical difficulties with my Ask Me form. For some reason the questions were not coming up in the emails that were sent to me. I only got one anyway so no tragic thing. But anyway, to that questionaire please ask me again, it is working now. [/edit]

Well my mother's first cousin and my Great Uncle left today. I thought they would leave Monday, but my Great Uncle was kind of rushing her. He does not like to be away from his house for so long, so that is why.

Well today I went to Quran Class. It was nice. I liked it. I did really well. I was reading really good. I guess all of that time when I was teaching myself how to read Arabic, has done me some justice. I look forward to it next Sunday.

Tonight is Oscar night. I am of course rooting for Jamie Foxx to win the Best Actor award. I believe that he will, but I am still nervous for him. It is just uhh 16 minutes away from starting.

Well I am quite bored right now. I am not even sure why I am blogging. I hate it when I blog and really have nothing to talk about. I would talk about Islam but I have nothing to really discuss. Oh let me talk about feminism.

.................... ya i am truly bored and do not feel like blogging. i would delete this and keep the previous post up but nah, i already typed so much. Maybe I will talk about feminism tomorrow.

salaam

New Layout and Thinking of a Plan

2005-02-26T22:37:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

[edit] new layout! wohooo!! I did it! I did it! I thought that I wouldn't be able to get the hang of making a template through blogger. Like add all of bloggers own special codes and stuff but i did. It wasn't that bad. And it didn't come out bad either. It actually looks pretty nice. I used regular Pain on Windows XP and some other gadgets. I still miss my Paint Shop Pro 8 but it's ok. It looks nice. Those pictures were taken by me of me also. Well anyway I hope you all like the change... finally something original. Also added some content too. [/edit]

Ok so I am in my room right now just chilling. I am kind of tired and I am trying to think of how I am going to get my mother's first cousin out of my room. She's lying on my futon (futon becuase my mother moved my mattress to another room so she can sleep on it, so now I have to sleep on the futon until she leaves, whcih will either be on SUnday or Monday.. shoot MONDAY! she just said it to my Great Uncle). Darn. So now I need to make a plan to get her out. Because she sure is lying on that futon like she about to sleep on it. NOOOO!!!!!

What else? So my cousins, aunt, and uncle came over. We ate and stuff. It was nice. Just chilling with my family. And they are Muslim so that is even cooler. We played Kings Corner which is so good.

(she just said she is about to go and get in the bed.... finally, a sign!)

Tomorrow I will be going to Quran School. I have never gone to Quran school, maybe just once but that does not count becuase it was my cousins school and I only went because I was over there house and I did not learn anything. But now since my mother is participating in this mosque she goes to, she wants me to go. I am not mad or anything, but I am kind of nervous. I have realized that I am not too comfortable with putting myself in religous environments. It is just wierd to me. People come off so fake. But I guess it would be good becuase my cousins will be there (they now attend the mosque for quran school that I am going to... they say that they like it). I am going to be in the beginner class with my 8 yr old cousin. Shoot! But hey, I need to learn how to read arabic and speak it fluently. I am actually pretty okayish with reading arabic. Not excellent, probably not even good, but okayish.

And I of course need to learn more Surats and pray correctly. I pray so less nowadays I am forgetting them and stuff. I have a book that teaches one how to pray, but I am too lazy to look. Bad me. I am going to start being better. I really am. I am beocming pathetic, who knows I probably am already. Yikes. Slow down on the bashing Dema.

Well I am going now. Nothing to do.

salaam

Love Hurts

2005-02-25T21:41:00.000-05:00

**Notice**: Though I hate to dictate the way people choose to comment, I will be imposing a rule for this blog entry. I will not tolerate any bashing of my Great Uncle. This blog entry should be read maturely and the thought that he is old and is facing the symptoms of old, like memory loss, and his “dying of a broken heart” should be constantly thought of. I am sorry but this is probably the most personal blog entry I have ever had and I guess I may be the only one who may understand. I don’t know. So I will ban you from my comments systems if you choose to degrade my Uncle.

This summer I was able to spend 2 weeks of my time with my great Uncle who has been blessed to see 92 years of life, hopefully there will be more years, but bitterly he does not wish for this and I have come to a point where I am starting to not wish for this either.
No, I do not wish for my Great Uncle to die in a cruel manner or attitude, but rather I wish that my Uncle will let go of the pain that I believe he has experienced since the passing of his wife, who had died in 1998.

I am not so sure what had happened this summer but something sparked him into starting a close relationship with me. He asked me to promise to write him letters and I did. I have kept a nice relationship with him through letters and I try to write him at least twice a week. As I write I try to keep the tone of my letters as nice and as much detail as I can, but for the past 3 to 4 months I have taken great precaution in my letters.

I am constantly saying, “You are the best Uncle in the world. When I get older I will tell my children about you, my Great Uncle, and I will pass the bracelet you gave me to my daughters and remind them that my Great Uncle gave it to me”.
Why? Well because I am starting to feel that indeed, my Great Uncle is if not already fallen, is falling in love with me.

While this makes me quite uncomfortable it also brings great pain to my heart and conscious because as he can not have his wife, he can not also have me. I am not sure but I believe that I remind him of his wife (who is dead), and I am becoming somewhat of a substitute for that heart break he feels. I am not sure if I look like my Great Aunt, but I do look somewhat like my Grandfather (her brother) who may had looked like his sister (my Great Aunt, my Great Uncle’s wife). I have to see the pictures at more detail, but from my memory I probably have a small like she and big round cheeks. I am not sure.

He has said some things that have made me conclude to this. Such as “I thought I would never feel this way about anyone else [after my wife’s death]” he has requested that I write him a long love letter, while giving him a hug kiss him softly on the lips, “I look at your picture before I go to bed”. He has said some things about being in love, the bad and the good things about being in love, etc.

He has said “Oh no, I would hate for you to think of me an intimate way. That would be disturbing”…. But I honestly feel that, that is just a front and not a serious thing. I have not brought up any of this to him. And I won’t. Never. But after a while I can’t help but to at least express how I feel, and my blog is a way for me to do this.

I am truly sad. I don’t think that my Uncle is actually in love with me. Rather I think that I am becoming a source for his broken heart over his wife’s death. Something to substitute her with, I don’t know. Obviously this is a case about not letting go. They were together for 50+ years and well I think it’ll be impossible for him to let go. I am not sure. Maybe I remind him of when he was young.

I personally believe that before people’s death, who are old, they start reliving the things that they did when they were young, start becoming stuck in that time in their mind.

Anyway it’s all sad. I love my Great Uncle. He’s very special to me. When I think of his death, I think that I will actually cry (I have not as of yet cried over anyone’s death that I knew personally). This has put me in a delima. I love him, but I’m starting to feel uncomfortable. I want him here, but I’m tired of him suffering from his broken heart and the lost of his greatest and only true love, his wife, my Great Aunt.

salaam

Weekly Wrap Up

2005-02-19T21:43:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

So I’ve decided to start a “Weekly Wrap Up”. Just give a brief synopsis of what happened over the week. Maybe it’ll be interesting may be not.

So this week has been interesting. I believe starting Sunday I was officially banned from this site and later in the week I was banned from this site. I also went over to this site and flamed this guy in his comments system. Then he came back and we started to debate over how I have “crunk” in my name, he talked and talked but never responded when I said “infamous” is being popular for bad reasons. Hmmm.

Lol

Monday I went to the mall with my cousins (no school). And so we went, ate, walked around the mall. My cousin Ruben got jacked out of like 14 dollars. Long story.

And then throughout the week (Tues.-Fri.) I stayed in the media for first period. Why was the librarian so forgetful to remember that I was coming in there all week for first period? She would always be like “Why are you here? You need to go to class” and then I’ll remind her and she’ll be like “Ohhh ok”.

But anyway, while in the library I played chess with my friend. I killed his queen and totally genocided him throughout the rest of the game. He won the next time we had played (wed.) but on thurs. I went jihad on him and left him with just one piece standing, his King. And the boy still thought that he could win. I guess people insist on keeping the hope alive.

Thursday night (I think) I emailed this person and talked some smack. Quite hilarious I thought.

And then Friday morning in the media center, my friend didn’t come to play chess with me so I just surfed the net and commented on some sites. And then this boy, Dre (I think that’s his name), decided to challenge me in typing. I smoked him. 2-0 it was.

And then I started commenting more when I got home and stuff. Also, yesterday night I was told that this guy is considering banning me from this guy’s comment system. Okkkaaay. I'm getting banned all over.

Well today my cousin’s left. Awww. They’re back off to Michigan. Aww. I’m kind of going to miss them. Awww.

Oh ya I am also watching TV at the moment and I am feeling kind of mad because America’s Most Wanted will be highlighting that story in NJ about the Coptic Christian family who was brutally murdered, and there is speculation that a Muslim did it (some words were exchanged in some forum that the dad was talking crap on). Ya, I do hope that the person who killed this family is caught, but man… Muslims are about to get heat, more stereotypes, etc now since the story is being aired on AMW. So I’m trying to avoid watching, but I am since I want to see how they will portray this story. Watch, they’ll just blame it on Muslims with no substantial evidence. L But I try not to be so bias. And even if the murder(s) are caught and they turn out to be non-Muslim, the damage will be done to the Muslim community.

[edit] ok i shouldn't be so bias. yes they did mention "Muslim" and how it could be a hate crime, but it was pretty well rounded. They even said that the family isn't quite sure if it was a hate crime... A family member said "Ya sometimes Muslims and Christians don't get along and yes it's a possibility, but everything is a possibility. Why wouldn't it be anyone else?". And then it pointed out how the cops don't think that it is either because the person didn't come in the house by force and some money was stolen. Not too bad AMW, not too bad[/edit]

salaam

Allah Knows Best

2005-02-17T20:25:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Over the past 6 months I have really started to shape some of my political views. I think what has triggered this is the fact that I am at a new school for my 10th grade year and most of my friends are Republicans (!!!), and of course because of the recent presidential election which was swamped by issues such as gay marriage, abortion, the war in Iraq, etc.

What I have come to realize as I have blogged about things and written my book is that I have very strong feelings about some stuff. And some of the views that I hold may be in conflict with Islam or the majority of Muslims.

Well, how do I look at this? How can I believe in Islam when I may have a problem with some things?

Well my answer is “Allah knows best”.

I don’t claim that my views are better than Allah’s. They are not. But I don’t feel that in Islam I must suppress the way that I feel about certain issues. I don’t believe that Islam calls for that.

The truth is, I am human. I can’t swallow all of Islam all at once. I can’t build a perfect deen for myself in one day. I have to ask questions first. So expect some resistance, expect me to be on the wrong path sometimes.

Don’t think that just because I am Muslim, I am going to be so happy whenever I hear that there may be something that may be haraam in Islam. I am human, it is unrealistic.

I believe that Allah knows me. He knows who I am. He knows exactly where I am in my deen, and I don’t even know that!

What I believe is that as a Muslim I have my “Muslim view”, which means that all of my views are based on what on Islam says… and I also have a “this is me” view, and that’s how I honestly feel about things, with no strings attached. Of course my “Muslim view” overrides my “this is me” view. Of course! Allah knows best!

But I am at a stage in my life where I know myself, but I don’t quite know myself. Where I am looking inside of myself and finding out who I am. And denying how I honestly feel about things, wouldn’t be a good start.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not going to go around and say that my views are right when in Islam they may be wrong. No. But when someone asks me how I feel about something, I’ll give them the “this is me” view. I won’t deny that in Islam they may be wrong, but at the same time I am not going to act like this is the same view that I innately feel.

I am human. I am not perfect. Everyday I am going to bump into things that may make me question my views.

I don’t know best, this is what makes it so easy for me to admit this. I know that Allah does.

So basically I am making the point to all of the Muslims out there who are reading, that you don’t know best. You will never know best. Only Allah will. So if you ever feel that something may be wrong with you, or that you may be a “bad” Muslim because you innately feel another way… well don’t trip, don’t think bad of yourself. Just realize that in Islam, you (a human) may never get things. You may not ever understand. But Allah knows best, and that is something that you must submit to. You may not be at the level where you may be able to understand, you may be far from it. But don’t give up faith in Allah when you may not get it. For goodness sakes! He’s Allah. You- are a human.

salaam

Me! Represent Me!

2005-02-15T16:50:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Recently I was watching a documentary about Islam, the Prophet Muhammad, and Muslim-Americans. What striked me as very odd and what got me somewhat upset was this image of “I was oppressed in my home country and I came to America and now I love America, and I can practice Islam the way that I like. In Muslim countries you can’t to do this”. Or the “My parents came here from some country in South Asia or ME and we were raised with both American and whatever other culture, culture too. It was fun but sometimes hard too” story.

Now I’m not mad at them, and I don’t care much about their fleet here to America. But what I was mad about in this documentary was this image of the “Muslim” who happens to be an immigrant or children of immigrants.

Hmmm. Well, I’m Black-American. My ancestors were slaves in America. I have Irish in me because of a slave master. My grand-father went through segregation, my Great Uncle is 92 years old so he’s seen a lot. Basically, my family has a very long history in America. Be them Muslim or not.

My family doesn’t speak another language, we aren’t influenced by ME or South Asian culture. We’re just Americans with Black-American culture. America is the land we’ve known for generations.

Now where in the hell am I or someone who represents my story in this documentary? I don’t know.

And it led me to think of who in the hell I represent? Or hope to represent (I plan to become a journalist and write books and stuff). And well it’s definitely not the Muslim immigrant. And it may be (but not sure) the Muslim whose parents are immigrant. I mean they are already have so much support, documentaries, and crap that represents them.

But I really, really hope that I one day do project some message for Muslim-Americans who are just well, Muslim-Americans. Who have no other type of culture, but American culture. Who know nothing about other cultures, besides what they have learned in class or did independent research on. Who only speak English at home. I hope that one day I can have something where Muslim Americans can look at and try to see how to balance their American culture with their Muslim culture, not their American Culture, their other culture, and Muslim culture.

I just really hope that maybe one day, I will see someone in a documentary who seems to at least represent me and where I am from and where my family is from... America.
salaam

5,00+ Minutes?! DAA***NNN

2005-02-14T21:14:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Guess what fellas and ladies. (what?)

After coming home from the mall, hanging out with Kimberly and Ruben (which was hilarious), my mother opened up the telephone bill and this is what I heard….

Mom: “Dema!”

Dema: *sighs* Huh?

Mom: How much money do you have left?

Dema: Uhhhhhh ( thinking: shoot I don’t want to tell!) Uhhhhh

Mom: 5,000 minutes! 5,000 minutes you’ve been on that *bleep* phone.

Dema: What? (thinking: oh *bleep* please don’t take the net from me! Body’s reaction: really scared).

Mom: 5,000 + minutes You’ve been on the internet. I’m not even going to think how many minutes it is exactly! Let me go get a calculator to see how much that is a day.

Dema: *thinking: Ohh ya, that does affect the phone bill. AOL is just the service.

Mom: That’s about 7 hours a day. 7 hours a day! Don’t you think that is ridiculous?!

Dema: *thinking: da*********nnnnn

Mom: That is ridiculous. You are an addict.

Dema: *still thinking: da *******nnnn

Mom: Now what are you going to do?

Dema: *still thinking: da********nnnn

Mom: This is ridiculous but don’t worry I’m going to cover it. I’m just going to tell your father that we were making calls to Saudi. But *bleep* Dema, you need to do something about that.

Dema: My bad mom. I’m sorry. But I mean.... Y’all were gone all month, so I was stranded at home, what was I suppose to do?

Mom: (turns to cousin Kimberly) See Kimberly. This is what an addict does. They start making excuses for their addiction.

Dema: *giggles but still thinks: da*****nnn* (then says) Well I mean it’s never been that high before, that is a legite excuse.

Mom: I don’t care.

Dema: (then thinks to get this conversation over) I do have a problem.

Mom: Do we need to send you to computer addict counseling?

Dema: (giggles) No. I was actually thinking of limiting my hours. Seriously, today I was.

Mom: Whatever Dema, just don’t let it happen again.

*end of conversation*

Shoot! Now I definitely have to limit my hours on the net. And it really sucks. I don’t even do much on the net, I’m just on it… just signed on. And I mean, I’ve always joked about being an addict, but DA*N! I spent that many hours per day on avg?! Whoa Dema! I really do have problems. LOL LOL.

So I have to spend my time thinking on what I can do to limit that. Well I’ve decided to now blog in Word. Because sometimes it takes me like 30 minutes to produce a nice blog entry (just thinking of what to blog about and how to put it all together, I just don’t like typing random stuff all of the time)… and while I’m blogging I’m always on the net. So now I’ll just blog in Word and then copy and past it into blogger… plus it’s a good way of saving my entries too just incase something happens t blogger. What else? Uhhh I guess I’ll actually SIGN OFF when I have nothing to do on the net. Sometimes I’m just on the net and I think of what other site to think to go to…and I go back to the same blogs and just read them over again, or read the comments over again… so I’ll start thinking of what site to go to and I’ll sign off while I do it.

I can’t think of anything else. Any suggestions? My problem is that I just hate signing off the net, and I really don’t know why… I guess it’s because I don’t want to miss anything, like some of my friends signing on, or something. Shoot I don’t know.

(oh ya it’s V-day. My sister is officially 20now! she’s no longer a teen, awww. I wonder what that feels like.

And I have never seen so many men with Victoria Secret’s bags in my life at the mall. GUYS! We want something for us, NOT something that is really to fulfill your fantasy)

salaam

I'm Too Crunk For Some of Yall

2005-02-13T21:34:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

It has been brought to my intention that people actually have a problem with my blog's name "Crunk Muslimah". Well why do they have a problem with my name?

Maybe it is because they may have been wrapped in a mind and shelter where ignorance is prevelant and the exposure of different aspects of culture is limited. Maybe it is because they have thier own idea of what "crunk" is.

I've been implied by a man, that I like to smoke and drink alcohol. It's also been implied by others the name of my blog may be wrong.

Well all that I have to say is screw them becuase I mean they have no idea who I am and it's evident that they don't know exactly what "crunk" is. "Crunk" is about having fun. That's it. Yes there are people who like to drink and smoke while they have fun. But there are also people who are completly sober and don't participate in activties like that but instead just get "crunk" which is just listening to music, dancing, getting hyped up, knucking, and bucking.

To all of the other people out there who feel that it's perfectly fine to constantly call other people stupid and feel that they can just judge people in the most negative ways and who fail to see the content of a discussion... please just stop it. You only make yourself look bad. And those are your sins. Not mine.

Not to say that any of you all are going here, becuase only Allah can judge where you will go, but just a reminder... hell does exist, fear it.

edit: Oh my Gosh! I've been banned on 2 sites in 1 day possibly a 3rd. That's a record for me, and I dont even get banned from commenting on people's site's. this is awesome. See what happens when you get "crunk"... people start calling you stupid and say some pretty insulting things. this is fun.

(U2 just won a grammy! woohoo)
salaam

My Email to Nomes and His Compicated Love for me

2005-02-13T19:50:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,
LOL LOL. Okay as you all may know in my previous post I talked about how I need a "boy toy" and someone to be with. Well, it seems like a new blogging friend, Nomes, seems to be jelous. I mean he's taken back his taking back of calling me stupid and pretentious and then he cursed me saying no one gives a "rat a**" about a comment I left on someone's site (i kind of flamed him). Well being the goofy and ridiculous person that I am, I emailed him and connected his anger to my previous post....lol lol lol. This is the email.

"Oh shut up!
Why you being so mean to me today? First you say you take back taking back calling me stupid and prententous. ANd then you tell me where I should post comments (instead of adam's blog post at islamica, when you dont even know what i'm talking about)

Nomes are you mad because I talked about how I want a boy toy and i didn't mention you in my blog? lol.

Nomes I like to take things slow. I've only known of you really for about a week so like I don't really feel any connection. lol.

And I'm only 16 too. Ya it's the age of consent in both Canada and Georgia but your so much older, at least for me right now.

So I mean don't get all sad, mad, and jealous. I've noticed, alot of my male aquantice seem to be a little hostile towards me today since I posted what posted. I mean, dang! I'm know I'm smart, cute, funny, intellectual, and stuff but why must you get mad just becuase I didn't mention any of yalls name?

You want me to rate you ar something? Ok I'll give you like a 7 maybe an 8. But like you've totally hurt me with calling me stupid and cursing me.

And to even think i was going to add you to my "warming up list" for links (sites that I am starting to like). You've been downgraded to jus "random links". And I saw so much potential... like 3 weeks from now I saw your site as being under my "favorites".

I mean I know guys are kind of sensitive wiht the girls they like...and they get madd jealous when htey mention other guys, but you didn't have to call me stupid, pretentious (and i still odnt know what it means but i think it means something bad), and curse me yo.
You're just moving way too fast for me. I'm only 16. I said I wanted a boy toy, not something serious. ANd it looks like you want to be serious or you go about verbally (well typerly) abusing me when i say I just want to have fun and don't mention you. AND I DIDNT even know that you though of me like that.

Like you could of emailed me and told me how you felt. That you want a relationship and stuff. And well I would of emailed you back and said "well sorry, but I don't think it'll work out" to soften the blow of "hell no!".

But dude, come on. You don't have to be mad and stuff. And if you still have fuzzy feelings when you think of me... if you still blush whenever you see "Dema" on your comments or other people's comments....well it's ok. Just be nice. I understand. I like guys who are nice to me and stuff, not guys who are mean and go around calling me stupid... and you know it mauy just be your way of handling your anger, well you don't know how to handle it.. your jealousy and all, you know. But it's ok. I go by the 3 strikes your out thing. So, so far you only have 1 ok? So don't get mad when you read this, your chances aren't completely over as of yet. But like I said, I've only known of you for like a week... your moving way too fast for me. I don't even think I know how to pronounce your name."

LOL
salaam

He's thinking something like what the hell right about now

salaam

Watching "Hitch" Makes Me Want to get Somewhat Hitched

2005-02-12T22:24:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

[edit] I changed my template to a blue color. I lost my links, this is my first time changing layouts on blogger so I didn't know. If I exchanged a link with you please comment and tell me so I can post it up again. [/edit]

Today I saw the movie "Hitch" staring Will Smith. It seemed somewhat dead in the beginning, but it got really good and entertaining after the first 30 minutes (hour and 32 minutes it is). I do feel that it was worth the price of my ticket. Warning: This is not a movie to go to for a 1st date or a movie to go to if you aren't in a serious relationship. You'll probably feel highly uncomfortable with your on again off again "lets just have fun" lover if you were to see it with them... it's all about commitment. lol Rating: B-

I went out with my friend Sundus and my two cousins (Ruben and Kimberly). I felt that my cousins were highly uncomfortable becuase they're in 7th grade and we are in 10th and 11th, so they had nothing to say. So it was really just me and Sundus talking when we ate. I felt kind of bad for them. Sundus and I don't really talk much, but she's Muslim too (foreign exchange student from Pakistan) so we're always saying hey and stuff. She's also in my Algebra 2 Honors class so we talk there a bit too. I just randomly said you want to go to the movies Sat? And she was like "Sure". So we went. It was pretty nice. This is what it's like to hang out with a friend. lol. I never really hang out with friends at the mall, I've always liked to go by myself. :-)

Well watching "Hitch" I realized that I need a lover. I need some guy in my life that plays some romantic role in my life. I haven't had a crush in a very long time. I mean just becuase I'm Muslim doesn't mean that I should be denied from love and being in love. I need to be in love. this is serious. I'm 16 yrs old and OMG I'm somewhat desperate in my love life. I haven't had a good love life in a very long time. Alot of guys seem to have been losers to me or I could never have them. Something is wrong. I need someone that gives me butterflies in my stomach and makes me blush.

I mean, I'm not sure if I want to flirt, but I need a boy toy or something. Someone I can hang out somewhere with and feel a connection with. Someone who I can deny my love for and hide behind the bush about the way that I feel. And I want him to feel that way about me too.

I'm not looking for a boyfriend, but a boy-friend who I could see potential in. Like the type of guy who totally freak out and feel jealous if I was talking about another guy. A type of guy who would feel a need to be there for me and who cares for me.

Well it's Black History month and I absoloutly love PBA and PBS during this month. They have great documentaries on blacks in America, history and stuff. Awesome, unfortunantly I have not taken the time to look at one, but hopefully I will. Check it out, I think you'll enjoy it.

salaam

"Brown" Middle Easterners? They're brown?

2005-02-09T19:54:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,
I made this comment on Goldi's site to Qudasia You have to read Goldi's comments for hisblog for 2/1/05. It's nothing serious, it's quite funny.

But anyway this is reply to Qudasia calling herself "brown". I've noticed that many Middle Easterners are saying that... it's nothing serious or anything... but I posted this and I think alot of what I said is somewhat true.

Brown? When in the heck did yall start saying 'brown'? You all know if yall were in whatever land you all come from your favorite cosmetic product would be bleach. lol

Alot of ME people are starting to claim "brown" or dark shades...I don't think it's like that in the ME (avid selling of bleaching creams says it all). But the ME offspring of children in the WEST, are very into saying "brown"... knowing dang well their daddy was requestiing a "fair skin" bride in his matrimonial ads when looking for thier momma! hmm that sounds like a blog for me! [implied that i am going to talk about it, which i have posted here]

I guess it's because being darker shades of color isn't so bad anymore in the West like it once was (NOT SAYING THAT THE WHOLE SHADE COLOR THING STILL ISNT A PROBLEM).
Thank the black people for the crunktified muzic, 'we don't give a care about what the white man say, we have our own culture', we going to party, we black and we Proud' movements for that. lol lol.

So what's the black people's things...hmmm... ..."Don't test me"..."Phat"... "Hard"(not that way)..."Dime".. "Fo' sho'". all of htat... and any other slang you hear!
ANd yes... I am sorry. You are only limited to the slurpy flavors (dat- will-be-a-dolla-25), cab drivers, and INS deportation threats.... but that is only if you let people make you think that. yOu can be anything you like.

What can I say? It's bitter sweet. Though I really do feel for yalls suffering and wave of racism and prejudice against yall in the psat few years.... I must say that I am quite happy that now MEs know how it feels to be racially profiled and looked at as bad in the neighborhood. And woohoo, it's no longer blacks and hispanics being profiled by the police!

Yall don't think we dont notice when yall only call our mosque when yall need help? lol.

I guess when the po-pos come knocking on yalls doors, and you all try to learn about yalls rights... then you feel the need for us... better english dialects always help huh? lol.
I guess it's the fear of being the immigrant...dont want to cause no trouble...just be the good citizen. Let the black man handle our issues when we need him... no need for him to come around during Ramadan, and please dont let him ask for one of ours [daughters and sons].

ANd girl... why you claiming brown? You and your 15 cousins know darn well yall darker than me and 6 of my friends...YALLS BLACKS!

don't let your straight, white like hair fool you. lol lol.
salaam (it's all fun. i aint racist.. but yall know half the crap i say is true!)

hehehehe. salaam

Sprite Bottles...Ending of Sites...Sexism!! All in one day! Whoa.

2005-02-08T20:29:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum, Isn't that bottle sooo cute! It's so small. It's barely up the level where the screen is on my pc. It's so cute!

It's over. Yes it's over. I have let www.demachanras.com and teenmuslimworld.com go. They are over. They are officially canceled.... well TMW is going through cancellation right now. I mean I got so tired. I got so bored. I had lost my motivation to keep the site nice, current, up to date, looking good... I just lost motivation. And well I lost it.

Well there are number of reasons why... but I think the biggest one (besides not having PSP8 no more) is the fact that I discovered Muslim bloggers. And well I never ever went around to Muslim blogs before... I didn't know that so many existed. And well I just got wrapped into blogging, I screwed over designing my site and stuff. I just wanted to blog. And well that's what I do now... and I'm happy so i guess it was worth it.

Well today I watched "The Taming of the Shrew". Well it was a play at school and OMG that is the sexist(!!) play that I ever seen. It was like "obey him" and stuff. You have to see it for yourself.... it's ridiculous. I was offended as a woman! lol but I wasn't trippin'... I'm not the type to ruin the good sense of the mood like that.

Well anyway... that's all tonight... oh ya, was I the only one who noticed that all of the people who were announcing the American Constitution/Declaration of Independence on the NFL Super Bowl special (it was a pretty good piece though).... were all man? Not one woman. salaam

My Boyfriend and I

2005-02-06T12:24:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Ok I've decided that when I am older that I will date. I just will not meet a man and decide to mary him the next week or next month or 2 months later.

I feel that first I need to have some type of relationship with this guy before I decide to give myself to him, decide to spend the rest of my life with him, decide to have kids with him (if I even have kids).

Some people will say that our relationship will be haraam and that we will be doing sinful things but they will not be in the relationship he and I are in. They will not know what we will do when we will be together.

I want to feel shy on my wedding because I've never made love to him before. Not because he is also a stranger who I barely know.

I feel that I need to meet his family first and get to know his family first. I feel that I need to go out to dinners with his family and hang out with his family before I marry him. And he does the same thing with my family.

I don't want to meet his family after I have married him. Heck no. I don't want to meet his family on our wedding date. Nope, nope, nope.

I can't do it. Some people can say it's because I'm an American. Well it's not. It's becuase I'm not raised in a culture where it's completely acceptable and the norm to marry someone you've only met once, who have only had 1 conversation with. Nope.

And while I do date my boyfriend. I will not go around trying to explain myself to anyone or prove myself to anyone. I will not try to prove that my father was with me and my boyfriend when he decided to take me out. I will not try to prove that my family was with me when my boyfriend and I decided to have a picnic at the Atlanta Music Festival. I will not try to prove to anyone that our family was with us when I decided to have a bar-b-que at my condo.

I feel that, that is between my boyfriend and I. Not between some people who arent our family. Not between people who happen to go to the same mosque as us. These people do not have any right to indulge in my personal business.

And they'll say "Well Allah is watching". Well yes, Allah is watching. He'll know. But what these people need to realise is that Allah aso watches and knows when they gossip based on the little details that they speculate on.

Converts, Reverts, Whatever You Call Them

2005-02-05T22:44:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,
I've blogged about this before, but I have decided to blog about it again

I have come to a revelation in my life. And that is...

I find that I more and more dislike reverts of Islam. And i believe it's the reverts own fault. Ewww how KKK I sound huh?

Well I don't believe I'm superior than converts, neither do I discriminate against converts, but I am so sick of coverts bringing up the fact that they are converts. I'm sick of it.

What the hell do you think? Do you think that you deserve special treatment or something? Or that you should be praised because you've become Muslim? I don't know. But I'd really appreciate it if you, if you are doing this, stop mentioning that you are a convert whenever something comes up.

Just like any other Muslim, I do not expect you to know everything about Islam. Just like any other Muslim, I expect that you have flaws.

But shoot, is it really neccesary for you to bring this up? I don't understand the revelence of it, when no one is talking about it.

Ohh and what I hate even more about this is when the revert suddenly believes that they know everything about Islam. Hmmm they somehow know this.

Oh and I hate it when they ask an "old" Muslim for advice, and then attack's the "old" Muslim because of it. Excuse me, you havent been Muslim all of your life so you have no idea what it's like.

Please, just shut the heck up already and stop the moaning and whining. Your Muslim, deal with it. I dont think you'd like it very much if people brought up the fact that you are a convert right? Nope. Neither do I think you'd like it if people kept bringing up the fact that they have been raised Muslim, right? Well guess what? I especially don't like it when you bring up the fact that you are a convert when it's not neccersary.

salaam

Following Dreams

2005-02-05T13:20:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

I have decided that I am going to follow my dreams. I am not going to stay in D-Ville, Georgia for the rest of my life. I am not going to let anyone perception of what a Muslim girl should do limit me. Hell no.

They aren't going to live my life are they? They are not going to be who I am 24/7. They arent. If I want to be an author I am going to write about what the heck I want to write about. If I am going to be a reporter I am going to report about whatever the heck I want to. I am going to go to the places that I need to go to accomplish my dreams. I am not going to let people hold me back.

salaam

The Party Went Swell...I Miss My Mommmy

2005-01-29T15:16:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

I haven't blogged in 8 days I think. Ya 8 days right? Well anyway I guess I'll tell you what's been up.

On January 22 I celebrated my birhtday. I had big party. About 15 people came. It was nice. We had music, pizza, cake, ice cream, chips, soda. We played some games. And I got really nice gifts too, I got 50 dollars worth of gift cards. 20 dollars at Borders (thanx Rose), 20 dollars at Rave (thanx Asia), an 10 dollars at Rainbow (thanx Sidney and Shelton). Then i got some other stuff from folks, it was all really nice. I enjoyed it. I hoped people liked my party.

After everyone left, besides my cousins, my 1 cousin, Amina, and her friend, Carrie an I had a cake fight. That was fun. We had to clean up teh kitchen afterwards though. And we got some on the wall so I had to scrub that.

And then, since its 5 of my cousins, I gave them 2 large boxes of pizzas that was left, I only kept like 5 pizzas for myself. Well the next morning, I woke up and I was about to put 2 slices in hte oven adn guess what!!! THERE IS AN X-TRA LARGE pizza inside, with all of the pizzza's left. So on Monday, I invited a few freinds over, put my 1 and 6 candle in and sang happy b-day again, adn we ate it. Yum Yum.

Well I would go into more detail about my b-day party but I'm very depressed right now. Why?

Because my mother was suppose to be home today, this morning, from hajj. But instead she missed her flight, in Saudi Arabia, and it may take her 2 weeks to get home now! The goal is that the crew she's with will send at least one person home everyday, but the thing is my mother helped organize the trip... for the ladies... so she may be one of the last to leave

Your probably saying "Why not get just another flight". Well its' hajj! Milliosn are leaving Saudi Arabia, so all flights are booked. My mom is suppose to call me again tonight.

Please pray that she gets home soon, that she is able to get on a flight home.

What else? Oh ya, I am failing Algebra 2 Honors. I havea 68.8 in that class. I could add 10 points to my test and that'd boost my avg. to a 75 but I want to wait until the end of semester to use my x-tra credit. We have big test on Tuesday, pleaes pray that I do well.

salaam

No Wonder I'm Not That Social

2005-01-21T09:40:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Hmmm. While I sit here at 9:20 A.M. at my computer desk in this leather chair I wonder. I wonder "No Wonder I'm Not That Social".

Why do I wonder this?

Well becuase I have all of these coupons on this floor from Pizza Hut. I've decided for my b-day party I'll be ordering 2 XL pizzas and 4 Large pizzas. Which will round off to something like 5o something bucks when I buy it. That should be enough to feed about 25 people right? And then I still have to buy 50 hot wings (yum yum yum!!!) for 20 bucks. So let's just say I'm up to 80 bucks right there. And then soda.... that brings me up to 90 dollars. Then balloons, plates, cups, and decorations. That's 100 dollars I would have spent so far.

Sorry mommy... but that extra check you gave me that's 75 dollars... I will be cashing that also. Becuase I have to buy a cake which I'm hoping will be something like 20 bucks.

But I'm suppose to get cash back from my sister, because it's HER job to buy the cake for me but she's been acting like such a punk about it, like buying a cake is so dramatic. She's had 3 weeks to find out where she needs to buy the cake and stuff. But I get a call this morning talking about the cake and why wont i make Hassan (big bro) buy it becuase he works at an ice cream shop and I want an ice cream cake. And I'm like "Ok Chani! You all figure it out. I told you to buy the cake for me and Hassan is suppose to give me like 20 bucks to help me cover pizza. You all figure it out". And then she says "Well where am I suppose to get it?" and I'm thinking to myself "You've had 3 weeks to figure it out". So finally I just say "Ok Chani. Never mind. I'll go to Publix or to this ice cream place up the street and get it." and then she's all like "Well tell me how much it'll cost". I swear I'm somewhat mad at her.

And then................ I have to clean up this house. I have to clean the kitchen, vacuum the living room, vacuum the dining room, and clean all of the bathrooms. Then I have to clean up my room also just in case somoene decides to pop in here. Ohh I also have to put up my mother's computer which is down stairs on the kitchen table. That'd be in the way and boy would I hate if someone messes it up.... it's brand new.

And then there's the whole guy issue which I am hoping I wont here crap from my Uncle. I dont think no one has mentioned this to him... and even if someone has, my grand-mother will be here to chaperone and plus my aunti (uncle's wife) will be here too. And I've made it clear to all of my friends that there will be no dancing at my party too. And these guys are all younger than me anyway and trust me they arent like that. There will be no girls here who will be interested in them or vice versa.

OH! And I have to still buy some cards, board games, dominoes!!!!

So yes. No wonder I'm not that social! Becuase having friends and keeping them entertained at a party, A MUSLIM PARTY (where you have to find alternatives to dancing and other haraam stuff), is EXPENSIVE.

But I guess it'd all be worth it since it's my Sweet 16 b-day party. And I'll be getting gifts! (and I've told my friends, who have asked what I want, that I like gift cards).

salaam

Just Close My Eyes and Breath

2005-01-20T19:14:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Today... on this lovely (weather wise) day in January...in the year of 2005...on the 20th day of this year, there was a man named George Walker Bush. Just close my eyes and breath.

Now onto other things.

You know what I was accused of a few days ago? I was accused of trying to, darn, I forget the word. Something like isolate.... Ya I think that was the word. I was accused of isolating someone.

Oh no! It was alienate. I was accused of alienating someone. I was so pissed. Beause Chris lately has had a very bad habit of judging me! He claims that he does it uncontrollobaly. I don't believe him for a second. Why?

Because when I confront him about his very bad habit of questioning me when it's really just an interrogation he likes to play dumb. He likes to act like he has no idea what the hell I'm talking about. He accused me of trying to argue all of the time.

But when you start asking questions about my hijab wearing, knowing full well that I wear hijab, what am I suppose to think?

Oh and when you blow up on me and accuse me of crap when I ask you some questions about the hijab issue..... what am I suppose to think? I swear it was truly amazing how quick he accused me of not following the "right path". It was like a world record.

So I told him, when giving my salaams, that I wont be talking for him a while. At least not until he can get his phony act together.

I am still tempted to put him on block and just not talk to him ever again all together because now I just have the impression that this guy is just too judgemental for me and it's like an interrogation whenever I speak to him.... but I havent decided yet...I don't know.

Oh! Eid Mubarak!

I went to school today though because I had a Math Test (yikes!). But I wont be going to school tomorrow. I'm going to go and buy some stuff for my party and I'll be going out eat with a family friend.

Life is getting busy for me

Upcoming Events

2005-01-17T19:11:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

I think I will be quite busy this week. I was going to take today and clean up this house of mines. My grandfather will be in Georgia on teh 20th, so he'll be stopping by her on the 21st or 22nd. I'm not sure. But I have to clean this house up. And he's one of those clean guys too. So I need to make this house clean to impress. :-)

What else? Oh ya I am throwing my b-day party on the 22nd which is saturday. I will be 16 on the 25th but we are throwing it early because my actual b-day falls on Tuesday. So this week I have to cash the check my mom gave me (100 dollars) and I have to go buy some things. Like have some poster that says "Sweet 16". And on Saturday I am buying some baloons. I have to buy plastic cups, plates, etc.

I also have to buy pizza, hotwings, soda, and stuff. My brother and sis are going give me 30 bucks for pizza and my sis is buying me ice cream cake. Yum Yum.

It's hard throwing a party. I'm so worried that peple wont like it. I've told all of my non-Muslim friends there will be no dancing. ANd my friend is trying to convince me to buy peperonni pizza. lol.

I'm expecting like 20 people. Boys will be there but my grandma will be chaperoning so I dont see it as a big deal. I hope my Uncle wont say nothing. I doubt he will because again there will be a chaperone. And he will probably be there.

I'm thinking about not going to school on Friday bcuase of EID but I have to look at my school schedule and see if we have test and quizes on Friday. I am most worried about missing a day in Algebra 2 because though I understand it now, I'm kind of worried about missing a day because there may be so much I'll miss.

well look below at my dirty room. its going to take hours to clean. And i dont have like "goowy" stuff in my room so dont get that impression. It's just that clothes are everywhere and I'm unorganized.

salaam folks (hey i'll posting at 7:11!!! hey lol)

2005-01-17T18:45:00.000-05:00

This is my computer area and there you can also se my bed. There is a pink shirt ont he floor and greenishgrayish hijab on the floor too. And a telephone. In the chair is a blue jacket. And there is my printer ANd look at all of those medals I have won for debate. YAYYY!!!!

2005-01-17T18:42:00.000-05:00

This is my room. Here is a better angle than the previous one (the one below). You see that computren over there. THat's where i sit and get ont eh pc. You see the whine glas beside it. Usually there are about 3 more cups in its company and about 2 plates. Look under teh bed. You see the futon. That's where my guest sit when they coem in my room (but i havent had any guest in a while). aww. and NO it's not because of my room.

2005-01-17T18:36:00.000-05:00

This is my room. It is sooo dirty. I have until the 20th to clean it all up. I am going to try to today but I feel sooo lazy. Ahhh!!!!!!!

Let This One Be About Me

2005-01-14T21:14:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Ok this blog is going to be about moi and some things that I did or was going to do. I'm kind of tired of typing so political and nothing political has expired to blog. Oh ya, I see some of you all enjoyed my last blog. And for the ones who may had gotten mad becuase they read it, well let all of that stress go.

Well todayI was going to walk around my neighborhood. Why? Well becuase I can get some exercise. But really because the other day, Wednesday, my friend Holly told me that she went our neighborhood park because her little sister wanted to go. She saw a girl there that looked just like me. She had on hijab and there were 4 kids with her. The youngest was named Muhammad. She wanted to ask her if she was my sister (which she wasnt) but didn't ask.

So you know I am some what excited. Because more than likely this girl and these 4 kids she was with are Muslim (girl with a scarf on and a boy named Muhammad and they look middle eastn???? I think the odds are in my favor). So I am just going to "exercise" an while I'm "exercising" I'll be looking out for them. LOL

"THE MUSLIM HUNTER"-finding Muslims in the neighborhood

lol

Well what else? I was going to post like 4 pictures on here but it just got too complicated and I am not in the mood. I also had a quiz in Math and I think I did really really good. I want to say a 100 but I don't know. I am too nervous. I'm getting sick talking about it.

Ok I'm watching "Johnny Zeroe" on FOX. OK, I'm looking at it. I'm not really impressed. This boy's teeth is to nice... it doesn't match his face. They look fake. And then, he's Puerto Rican. Don't get me wrong, I likePuerto Ricans. But he AINT Puerto Rican enough.

Maybe it's becuase he's too pail (typical in hollywood.... ethnics who are pale). And then I'm not sure what this show is so post to be. Italian, Cuban, or Puerto Rican. And of course, he would be in love with or be trying to get with some blonde haired white girl.

An no I am not being prejudice. I'm just pointing out some things in showbiz.

The formula is:
main character should be quite pale if ethnic. so pale you can't really tell if they are a minority, but you know they are.

If you DO cast an minority that actually looks like a minority, they are VERY in tune with their heritage... or they have to have something very dramatic that reperesents their heritage (such as an overwhelming afro..not a cute small one... but an overwhelming one)..... yes we ethnic people can only look in terms of ethnicity.

Or if they looking like a minority they must have alot of weave.

If they are a minoritynwoman, they must either be over sexified, very snotty, or some ghettofied woman. or maybe just stupid.

And of course (like in Johnny Zero's case) the main male character must still be in love with his blonde haired white ex girlfriend.

Yes that is the formula in show biz it seems. And no I'm not being funny. And again, I am not trying to be freaking prejudice or hate on white woman. But I do think it's quite akward when the formula I posted above does seem to be the average formula in show biz. And for goodness sakes, I'm in America. I know our history.

Well lesson for today? I am not feeling Johnny Zero. Really bad acting. And too fake. And to unrealistic. The only reason why my tv is on FOX is becuase (1) there is nothing else good to watch, (2) I am too lazy to grab the remote and find something else to watch, and (3) I want to support a show where the leading character is a minority, paticularly a Latino/Hispanic... because though I am not Latino/Hispanic, I would really like to see some more Latinos/Hispanics besides Jennifer Lopez who very rarely even plays a Latino/Hispanic... I can think of just 2 films where she has played one.

Boy am I so happy to see Eva Longoria on the #1 show in America, playing one of the leading leads. She plays the richest girl on the block and she's latin! Wohooo. Oh but wait. Let's look at her formula:

Her character is a tramp (sleeping with a teenage boy while her husband is working). And her fine Mexican husband WOULD be involved in an illegal scam, and be in jial waiting trial. And Eva, WOULD be playing a character where she is completly selfish and materialistic.

Hmmmmmm. Sounds like another "Formula for Minority Roles in Shoz Biz"

Salaam

When Hypocrites Can't Take The Heat

2005-01-10T20:05:00.000-05:00

One thing that has always amazed me are the hypocrties in this world who can't take the heat.

They talk alot of crap and say some things, but yet when you confront them they want to back down and make some excuses. From "I didn't mean that" to "Uhhh.. no I didn't do that". Such bull shots that it's not even funny.

I remember last year in Geometry and this one boy, Hussein, would act like I got on his nerves and give me attitude... no matter how nice I had tried to be nice. But yet he would ask me for help with his work. And then when I would confront him with his attitude towards me, he would act like he had no idea what I was talking about.

And then you have some people who would act in front of many. Act sweet, kind, pious, sincere, and every other nice thing you could think of.... but come to find out they are just as fake as silicon breast.

And then you have those who pity you. The ones who are always looking at you strange. Always pointing out your flaws. Always having something negative to say. But yet, expect an invitation to a b-day party.

Then of course there are the ones who are just in denial about their hypocricy. Who accept bashing, prejudice, and all of these other stereotypical things that ALL lead up to racism.... yet find that's it's "ok" in some situations... but not "ok" in other situations. Who would talk so much shicks about Westerners and Americans but yet come to the defense of Middle Easterners in a second if someone was to curse them.

AND then when you, I, or someone else points their hypocricy out... what do they do? They argue, complain, try to make you look bad, ignore you......... try to justify their actions. Try to find an excuse. And you can give them argument after argument why they are in the wrong And they still expect you to apologize them.

I can name them at my school, at my mosque, in my family, among my friends, bloggers, and every community I can think of.

I can name many who visit my blog regularly. Who have acted like friends but yet they think that I don't know what they say about me. Who honestly think that I am dumb and don't know about some of the situations.

And most likely....... if you are feeling stressed in your chest reading this post it's most likely you are one of them.

Being Muslim Isn't Genetic

2005-01-08T10:36:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

If you believe that you can check "Other" when asked what your ethnicity is, because you feel that your ethnicity is Muslim, then you are wrong.

First off "Muslim" isn't a race and it isnt an ethnicity. It's a follower of Islam.

You can't be "ethnically Muslim". Why? Because what do you have to take to be a Muslim? You have to take your shahada. And the shahada is about belief in Islam. Belief that God is the only God and that Prophet Muhammad is his last messenger.

It is not "If your mother and father was a Muslim, then you are a Muslim".

Being Muslim isnt genetic.

Even your children who haven't taken their shahada, but who you have raised Muslim with Islamic values, aren't technically Muslim.

Why? Becuase you have to choose being a Muslim. Babies don't choose that. And a 5 yr old can't properly make that choice. When they are older they can. And if they choose to be a Muslim, they can take their Shahada.

Even I, one who has been born and raised Muslim will have to take my shahada one day.

Are There Choirs in Muslims?

2005-01-08T09:59:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

3rd period is my Computer Apllications class. It's our first week in it and so far we havent really done much. All that we have done is just sit down, talk about rules, and do exercises that are meant to better learn about our classmates.

At first I wasn't looking foward to the class, but I later found out that my Muslim friend's little brother would be in the class, Hamza. So we pass notes in the class now. He's in 9th grade (I'm in 10th). He's pretty cool and stuff.

Well, you know all of the other 9th grade boys are like "Ewww you guys like eachother,". Though that isn't the case, they feel that we do. And so they start asking me all of these questions about dating and Islam.

I try not to explain becuase it's hard to explain on why most Muslims don't date or why they see it as being haraam (forbidden). So I'm just saying, "It's hard to explain". And Hamza says the same thing when they ask him questions about Islam.

But one thing about these questions that makes me laugh is their use of language.

They Say: Are there choirs in Muslims?
It should be said: Are there choirs at your mosque?

They Say: Are you Islam?
It should be said: Are you Muslim?

They Say: You practice Muslim, right?
It should be said: You practice Islam, right?

hehehe

I'm Mad At Again... But Laughing Too

2005-01-07T20:44:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

i reckon this is a poed blog entry.

People are so hypocrtical! How do you apologize and then talk about the person who you are apologizing to? And I dont mean you apologize and then later talk about the person on a whole different subject. I mean on the same subject! And POST it where the person can see?

You say "Sorry, I didn't mean to" in the blog entry (and the whole entry is just apologizing to the offended persons). And then in the comment section (where the person is likely to comment) you talk about them. I guess some people can just type, but not be able to read.

It pisses me off because I was going to say sorry because I misunderstood something... I didn't notice sometthing was a joke.

I was going to do the whole "You shouoldn't have" thing. And everything. Plus I had just spent 10-15 minutes recommenting on the previous post explaining my mix up. ANd I had read the "Sry" post............... which I thought was sincere. And then I click comments and there she iss, SIster Soljah, talking about me.

So you know I was pissed.

See she had posted this post and it was a joke about Shi'as... some stereotypical quiz. i didnt realize it was joke becuase I didnt see the link to this stereotypical Muslim quiz.

So I commented and told her that I didnt expect to see garbage like that one her blog. ANd I was saying all this stuff that Shias are Muslims too. Blah blah. ANd I even said read the Quran.

So she goes back and apologizes to the offended persons in her entry. But then I click the comments and she's like all "Well to attack me before trying to understand. Sheesh. She said 'read the quran' etc .... um i do everyday."

So you know I'm just pissed. Because I felt bad that I misuderstood that STUPID joke. ANd everyone knows I don't even like apologizing anyway. But I was trying to claer it up and I felt I was in the wrong AT THE BEGINNING. But wow, what nerve to act like your sincere with an apology but talk about the person who you are apologizing to. Am I the only person who thinks that sh..........

And you know I want to refute the whole "reading the Quran" thing, becuase I can easily be smart and say "Well you must of not read all of it becuase you would know that Allah discourages sects (dividing ourselves in different groups like shi'as and sunnis)".

But I wont, because I'm backbiting right now. Well actually I told her I would flame about this on my blog. But anyway.

salaam

When I Blog

2005-01-07T17:39:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,

I've realized something people! My best blogs, the ones that have you thinking, the ones that get you upseto, the ones that have you wishing "Darn, I wish I would of thought of that before her." are the ones when I am really upset and mad at someone in the Muslim Community.

Haven't you noticed?

Well I'm not mad today. I'm not even upset. Well actually since I'm thinking about it I'm starting to get upset. Well not upset but I now believe that my history teacher may be an ass.

I believe he has a bias against Muslims. Well not bias... well yes bias. But he's nice to me and stuff. I think I may actually be a student he looks foward to seeing.

But anyway, just the other day I told him my mother was going to hajj and he said "what? Jihad?". I laughed. And I actually regret laughing. I wish I would of flipped out and started to curse so I can make him feel stupid. But I later asked him when he goes to Alabama does he hang out with the KKK. But it all was said as a joke, but I still wish I would of flipped out when he made his joke.

He then told me today that he may go to Indonesia for a week to help with the Tsunami effort. ANd he said it sarcasticly and I believe I was actually talking about religion... so I took it as "Ya I'm about to go convert some Muslims." So I said, "What are you doing missionary work? Am i suppoe to be offended or something?". And he said "nah, actually I'm working with a relied effort and the offers just been purposed". Ya right.

And if he does do missionary work, he's just like many other missionaries. They go and try to convert people at their most vulnerable times.

Well anyway..... over all I like this teacher. He's actually my favorite. But his sarcasism erks me and I think one day i will say something to make him feel stupid if he makes another joke about Islam and imply that my mother may be a terrorist.

Oh ya...

USA- Iraq

Imperialism- conquering of other peoples or lands for economic gains.

(and if any of your fruckers take that very interesting note as Anti-American, you have no idea who I am and what the heck I'm talking about)

salaam

Muslimah! You Make Me Sick.

2005-01-04T18:38:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alailkum,

There are so many Muslimahs who make me sick. They make me feel disguisted. They make me absoloutly sick to my stomach. They have me feeling stressed up in my chess and make me feel that I am about to loose. They have me flabbergasted. They make me so damn mad!

And no, I am not talking about the ones who gossip, who are inconsiderate, who are mean. I am talking about the ones who are truly ignorant. The ones who encourage other Muslimahs not to go to college. But to instead find a husband and get pregnant. Find someone to be dependant on. Telling these young girls who have dreams that it's their Muslim duty to do this. That Allah encourages us to get married young. But yet they do not encourage this to their sons.

These Muslimahs (who make me sick) are the same Muslimahs who are the reason for the oppression of not just Muslim women but women all over. They feed their daughters, their nieces, and their female peers this mentality that they need to be dependent on a man.

I so badly want to ask these Muslimahs (who make me sick) that if this young, beautiful, and intelligent young Muslimah (who does not, as of yet, make me sick) was to not go to college, but instead was to get married and ahve 3 kids, that if in the case of if her husband was to leave her or was to die, would they (the ones who make me sick) take care of her? Will they provide for her? Will they help her raise her children? Or will they do all of these things but eventually expect for her to find a job and supporting herself and children?

But wait. Remember this young girl naively believed what this Muslimah (who makes me sick) said. She doesnt have that degree that companies want. She has nothing to offer. Yes, she does have a highschool degree, but only a few ever make it big with a highschool degree. It's just a highschool degree. So instead she'll most likely become a laborer or will be flipping handburgers. Or be at some job she never dreamed of. Her dreams? she threw them away a long time ago.

These Muslimahs (who make sick) have young girls actually questioning themselves on whether they are good Muslimahs if they go out and chase their dreams, and not yet find a husband and bear children.

I'm so sorry for the Muslimah (who has not yet made me sick) who is stuck in a situation like this. I feel so sorry. A Muslimah (who makes me sick) has told her about all of the Quranic versees and hadeeths about getting married young, which is not an obligation, but not one Quranic verse or hadeeth that encourages education, which IS an obligation.

So I say to you Muslimah who encourages all of these young Muslimahs to not go to college and instead make a life where they must be dependent on a man.

Muslimah! You Make Me Sick.

Morally We are Equal... In This Man Made World We Are Not

2005-01-03T17:05:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,
Sometimes it amazes me how so many people are so unattached to this world. How poeple are so in denial about reality. It is the most unhuman thing I believe a person can do. I believe that it is more unhuman and more sick than murder, rape, genocide, abuse, and any other negative thing a human can do or be bestowed upon a human. Why?

Well because if you are not in tune with reality, if you do not accept the negative facts of this world, you are in denial of rape, genocide, abuse, and any other negative thing a human can do or can beestowed upon a human. Your denial is the reason why such things continue to go on unnoticed (well ignored) and unpunished.

In 4th (and last) period today I was talking to this girl named Rose. I was talking about Fox News and how they are amazing too conservative for me and that I prefer CNN better. She then says that CNN and all of the other liberal stations are saying the same things about the Iraq war that they said about the Aghani war. And I replied saying "Well people are being killed and blown up. It is basically the same thing.".

She then says that most of the people in the world now feel that since the Afghanistan war happened the world is better off. I said ya, but they never attacked us. And she says the same thing. And I say "Well now Afghanistan is the biggest drug supplier in the world. 3 years ago it wasnt."

She says "Well people are going to do it anyway. And if people take drugs then that's their own fault and they should die."

Obviously this girl did not recognize who exactly she was talking to. And that I can make her stumble over her words.

I asked "But what about the families of these people? What about the 5 yr old whose mother's on crack and is being carried off to DFax? Is moving from home to home. And at age 18 is told to find their own apartment?"

She suddenly starts saying that everyone is responsible for their own actions and that once the child is grown then they should take care of themselves and stuff like that. I start telling her that she is insensitive to human emotion. That stuff like this leaves an emotional scar. And that education and money doesnt solve this pain.

Again she talks about how the child can still take care of themselves once they turn 18 and it's their choice to go to college. I mean it is unbelievable what she is saying. Just unbelievable. She is forgetting about how this *child* was in DeFax. Was moved from house to house, school to school (which often happens in foster care). That there was no one to support them and no one to help them. No family. No support system.

Yes, the child should eventually move on and bet his or herself. And yes they should take responsibility of themselves when they become of age, but it's not just that easy.

She talked about how everyone is equal and that we should expect the same from everyone. Expect everyone to live up to thier highest expectation. Yes we should. No matter what circumstances. BUT...

Everyong is ONLY equal morally and spiritually. Everyone is NOT equal in this man made world. Everyone is NOT equal when there is extreme poverty and extreme richness. A child who is only exposed to his kind and a limited environment DOES NOT have the same opputunity and exposure as the one who is exposed to differents people, cultures, and different environments. They are not equal when it comes to the same oppurtunity and exposure.

A 12 yr old girl who has been raped is NOT the same as a 12 yr old girl who has not! The 12 yr old who hasn't does not know the pain, the emotion, and the feeling of turmoil the 12 yr old who has, feels. One should be handled differently and slightly cared for differently.

Yes, no one is superior than others, no one should remain a victim all of thier lives. But every case is different, so these cases should be looked at as different.

Whoever is telling you that we all have the same equal oppurtunity as everyone else is telling you a lie. Ask them how can Richie and Pauper have the same equal oppurtunity when Richie's dad can easily write out a check to send his kid to Harvard, and Pauper's only hope is to compete for a scholarship (1 in a hundreth chance of winning it)? Yes, people do have the oppurtunity. We all do. But we all do not start in the same playing field, in the same division. Therefore there is no "equal oppurtunity".

salaam

No Amor Real

2005-01-02T20:02:00.000-05:00

As Salaamu Alaikum,
I am so upset. So mad. So frustrated. Please let me tell you what happened.
My mother bought furniture and she had it delivered today. We got our mattresses and my mom got her furniture for her room (my room is done now). My bought a pretty set and it was really cute. It matched with her bed and everything. But look a here, look a here. My father comes home.
I was in his bedroom closet (it's a big walk in closet) looking at some pictures (bought some picture frames so I need some pictures) that were in a basket. I know he's in the room. He hasnt even stepped foot in the room actually and there he is cursing my mother. Saying things lik "f this s". Just cursing my mother. So I am just like whatever and he notices me. I just walk upstairs paying him no mind (like I didn't hear him).
Well I'm upstairs putting the pictures in the frame and I hear stuff banging. Instantly I knew what it was. He's moving the furniture to the garage. At first I thought he was going to deliberatly damage it,.... well I thought he was going to put it outside. But instead he put it in the garage.
I was going to call my mom and tell her. But I got no dial tone. So I'm thinking to myself "That punk has turned the phone system off". LIke stopped the circuits. And indeed I'm sure he did because the circuit box was open in the garage. So I just watch him take the pieces to the furniture.
And as I watch him I am thinking about how yesterday he tried to make the Tsunami tragedy connected to western marterialism. Saying it in Indonesia where all of the western culture was. I flipped out becuase of that. I was like "What the f is the ME then? Paradise? Pure land?" He got mad. But look at him. Tripping because of some furniture. Cursing my mother becuase of some furniture.
I'm thinking to myself I hate this man. I love him but I hate this man. This is the man who will be the sole reason why I would never want to marry or take a long time to marry. This is going to be the man. I dont want this man to be apart of my life. I dont want this man to be the one who my fiance will ask for my hand in marriage. I dont want this man at my wedding. I dont want kids surrounded by this man.
But the funny thing is that I dont know who I am more disguisted with. Him or my mother. My mother has been treated like trash by this man for years, he's always hollering at her, degrading her and she still insist on being with him. And he has caused so much pain in my life. I am so said. Just so mad @ him.
Oh look. My mother is home. She just opened the garage and the door to the car has closed. All hell is about to break loose. Garage is closing.
I love my mother to death. I love her so much. But I dont know if I should feel sympathy for her everytime he hurts her. She just keeps letting him slide and do it. He'll never change. He'll never change.

As Salaamu Alaikum... Again

2005-01-02T12:44:00.000-05:00

How are u? I am well. Well this is DemaChanRas. You know that girl who use to run www.demachanras.com Ya her. Well I shut it down.... here's what happened.

My pc decided to be a mess up. It got ill. Just messed up. So my last post was in November. And I didnt know it would be my last post either. After i posted, my pc messed up. I knew my site was going to expire in December. I would of told my mother but I decided to let it go. I realized that DemaChanRas.com was like a plague in my life. It was holding me back from doing hte things I wanted to do. I put to much effort in it and I was getting nothing in return. Yes, I had many people who would visit my site... but I was so focused on this site and on the internet that I kind of lost myself becuase of it.

I am an addict when it comes to the internet. I go through physical withdrawals and everything. I must check my email and stuff. Stuff like that.

Well it's been a month and I finally have a new pc. It's Windows XP. It's pretty nice.

Let's Play Ketchuup:

Well school has been good. I've ended the 1st semester. I believe I passed with 3As and 1B (French). For some reason I am really nervous that I may pass with just a B in American Literature. I dont know why. I'm freaking out becuase of it. But my grade has to drop 2 and half points for that to have happened. I feel that I did really well on my End Of Course Test and Final.

Nothing has changed much at home. Oh I am finally getting a matress today. I've been sleeping another room... the guest room (why does the guest roomhave a matress and not mines? i dont know). If not in there, on my nice comfy futon. But anyway.... I cant wait until I get that matress. I decorated my bathroom too. It's nice. And I have the comforter and sheets for my matress. It's going to look really nice.

I'm writing a book. It's about a Muslim girl who is sexually frusturated and is tired of all the bull crap that Muslims like to take. Especially the constant act of Muslim boys going out and dating and then coming back and expecting to marry a nice pious Muslim girl who is a virgin. Tired of that. It's going to be good.

Well I'll blog later.

salaam